Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Recover me from my recovery

I never thought Holden's birth would be a C-section. After all, I've had two children vaginally already. But we can't control everything in life (much to my chagrin). Although the delivery itself is easier since you're knocked out and don't feel anything, the recovery is so much worse. This is the time when your hormones are all out of whack and you're trying to feel normal again after finally not being pregnant, but with a C-section, your body needs to recover after going through a major abdominal surgery.

And that fucking sucks.

I'm a go-go-go kind of person. I don't sit around and watch movie or TV marathons. I always have a to do list, I'm always in the middle of a book, a project. Sitting around idly isn't for me. I feel lazy. So "taking it easy" has never entered my vernacular before.

Do you know what it is you're not supposed to do after a C-section? Basically everything. You're not supposed to exercise or do housework or lift anything over 10 pounds. I might be able to stick to that if Holden was my only child, but I also have a 27-pound two-year-old. Up until yesterday afternoon, I got by fine without lifting Brandon. My mom was here and she could lift him in and out of his crib and high chair for me. But today was my first day on my own with these two kids.

It was tough. Physically and emotionally exhausting. On top of my recovery, we're working on disciplining Brandon and forcing him to grow up. That means no more pacifier during the day, transitioning him out of his crib and into his big boy bed, and teaching him to go to bed without me rocking him to sleep. The poor kid has a lot going on on top of a new brother he has to share my attention with.

So today when I wouldn't give him his pacifier, he wailed like a fucking banshee non-stop for 30 minutes. This caused Holden to start crying, too. Here I am, in the middle of cooking dinner, counting down the minutes until Steve gets home and trying not to break into a tantrum of my own. And now, I'm sitting here with a glass of wine, listening to him cry hysterically because I'm not rocking him to sleep, and wondering how women do this. How do moms raise two young children while recovering from a C-section correctly? Because I can tell you with certainty that I'm doing it wrong.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Give yourself a break!! Tackle one adjustment at a time. Let Brandon get adjusted to life with a sibling before taking away the pacifier, wait until he's comfortable without it before moving him to the big boy bed. It's tough on the oldest and taking away all that comforts him all at once will result in an unhappy toddler and an unhappy mama!

melinda sue said...

anonymous advice. sheesh. do what you believe is right for your family. you know your family best. and guess what? every single parent on the planet does "it" wrong every single day.

being a parent is the hardest job in the world. i keep waiting for the feeling to rush over me like "i've got this... i can do this whole parenting thing pretty damn well." most days i feel like a total failure, like i am bumbling around with no fucking idea what on earth i am doing. and really... i am bumbling around like a complete idiot, and I don't have any fucking idea what on earth i am doing. but you (and i, and 90% of moms out there) are doing the best you can. and you are doing great holly. look at your boys: they are happy and healthy (and darn good looking). It is hard. but it is good. and you are doing woderfully!